last february

posted by ivy on Feb 11, 2014 in thisNthat

last february i had an ovarian cyst (that ruptured?), and i want to share the story and pictures because it’s funny now.  it was funny then, too, but i was in too much pain to laugh.

i remember my stomach hurting on a tuesday evening.  jesse and i were part of the prayer room held at our church office, and i was having a really hard time being still because my stomach was hurting.  i didn’t know what was wrong with me; i just knew my stomach hurt.  i left the prayer area, went to the bathroom (nothing), and then i sat outside the room and waited for worship time to be over.  before we left, jesse had everyone there pray for me.  after praying, we chit-chatted for a few minutes about what the problem could be.  a man recognized the kind of pain i was feeling, and he told me that i needed to go to the bathroom (#2).  he told me to hurry up and get home because when the time hit, it’d be over.  i remember thinking, “yes.  that’s it.  that’s definitely what this is.”  jesse and i went home and… nothing.

i don’t recall much of wednesday other than just walking around the house in pain.  i would stoop a little while i walked, and i would hold my hand over my stomach even though that didn’t make much of a difference.  as the day went on, i became more and more afraid to eat because i thought i was building poop up inside of me that wouldn’t come out.  lol.  sorry.  but really.  and bran flakes weren’t helping.

thursday was when things got really bad.  i still hadn’t gone to the bathroom, so i started texting my brother about laxatives as he’s an expert in that area.  he told me to eat food with lots of fiber, and i told him i’d done that and nothing had happened.  he instructed me to go to walgreens and get some “poo juice” or laxatives.  i was very reluctant to do that because i’d never taken a laxative before, and i don’t like to liquid poop.  but mitch assured me that it’s awesome and it doesn’t hurt, and he reminded me that my other option was to just leave the poop inside me.  so okay, i got a box of laxative pills, brought it home, and it sat on my counter all afternoon.  around 7 p.m. i told my brother i had not taken any of the pills yet, and he urged me to take them before i die, so i did.

nothing happened, nothing happened, nothing happened.  i was a little relieved that nothing had happened because i was so afraid of going to the bathroom after taking the pills; but on the other hand, i felt like it needed to happen (not physically– like there was no urge) because i was in so much pain.  anyway, time passed; nothing happened; time for bed.

i think it was about 3 or 4 a.m. when i got up to go to the bathroom.  i don’t remember having an urge to go, but i must have because it’s very rare that i get out of bed in the middle of the night.  i sat on the toilet and went pee, and it’s not very clear as to what happened next, but i know it was one of two things:  1) the thought of the laxative totally freaked me out, or 2) i was struck with severe pain.  what i do remember is my vision was going, and i knew i had about one second to get jesse’s attention.  i yelled his name, and the lights went out.

the first of my senses that came back was my hearing.  at first all i could hear was this loud, loud motor or fan or something.  at the time i didn’t know what it was, but later i realized it was just the bathroom vent that was running.  and it’s really not that loud at all, but i think your hearing must be all weird after you pass out.  still no vision yet, i remember hearing, “oh, babe.  oh, babe,” and i was really confused.  i remember trying to figure out whose voice i was hearing.  it didn’t sound like jesse’s voice, and it hadn’t made sense to me yet that it would have even been jesse’s voice.  i honestly don’t think i knew a jesse in that second or two.  i was very confused.  i remember feeling very confused.  i remember the light coming into my eyes, but i did not know where i was at.  i knew someone was there talking to me, and i started to physically feel unsafe or in danger or something.  i remember saying, “what’s going on?”  lol.  i laugh now, but at the time i remember it being scary.  i remember feeling that i was in a place or position that i should not be.  thank goodness this all took place within a minute or two.  finally (a second later) things started to become clear.  i could hear jesse clearly and see his face, and i knew who he was.  i knew i was on the floor of the bathroom, and i knew my pants were down.  as soon as that occurred to me, i got up, pulled up my pants, and walked out of the bathroom without saying a word.  jesse was trying to figure out what was going on, but all i cared about was laying on the bed.  i knew i hit my head somewhere, but all i wanted was to be comfortable.  i laid down and jesse came with a wet rag and sat by me and started to wipe the blood from my face.  i remember he was talking to me, but for whatever reason, i was not speaking (shock?).  when he started talking about the emergency room, i told him i just wanted to sleep and asked if we could talk about it or go in the morning.  and that was that.  back to sleep we went.

the next morning, we sat in bed and took pictures of my face and laughed.

and i was still in a lot of pain.  a lot.  jesse really wanted to take me to the doctor, and i was not being very compliant, but finally i agreed to go.  the worst parts of that day were walking to and from the car.  it was really cold and wet that day, and it made me all the more miserable.  we went to an urgent care, and i explained to the nurse that my face was fine but it was my stomach that was hurting me.  she left the room and came back with another person.  they told me that my problem was beyond the scope of care they could give and that i needed my head to be checked.  they said they wouldn’t bill us for the visit (and they didn’t), and they sent us on our way with instructions to go to the hospital/emergency room.  when we got to the car, jesse called our family doctor, but unfortunately, they could not fit me in.  jesse was then considering the emergency room, but i was thinking a mocha frappuccino would do the trick.  and what do you know, it did.  i was feeling quite good and happy drinking one while driving home.  we spent the rest of the day laying in bed, eating in bed, and watching batman in bed.

i almost died on saturday.  i could not walk (or do anything) without jesse’s assistance.  jesse called the doctor, and they were able to see me.  he took me in, and i hated every minute of it.  the doctor was a really nice guy, but i wanted to punch him.  i wanted to punch jesse, too.  not really.  i didn’t have the energy.  but they were very chit-chatty and didn’t seem to notice i was dying.  the doctor had already told jesse to take me to the emergency room right away (and i was so ready to go), but it felt like i had to wait forever for them to finish talking before we could leave.  as we left the room, jesse stopped at the front desk to check out, and i crumpled to the floor in pain.  we got to the car, and i started dry heaving.  i had never been in so much pain.  (i wonder what labor is like.)

we got to the hospital, and we waited in the waiting room for i don’t know how long.  too long.  i just sat hunched over in my chair, tried to stay sane, and waited.  they finally called my name and wheeled me into a little room for check-in questions, i guess.  the doctor started pushing on my stomach and my back, and i started throwing up nothing again.  he would push somewhere.  “does this hurt?”  “yes.”  he would push somewhere else.  “does that hurt?”  “no.”  somewhere else.  “does this hurt?”  trying to decide, “umm…”  he pounded on my back somewhere and asked about that spot, and i very rudely told him, “well, that does.”  it made the nurse laugh.  i wanted to laugh, too, but i couldn’t.  but duh.  how can you pound on someone’s back and expect it not to hurt?

they got jesse from the waiting room and wheeled me to my room and had me change into my gown, and then a nurse took me to the bathroom for a pee sample.  (and i finally went poo!  and it wasn’t scary.  …and it didn’t make me feel better.)  i went back to my room, got hooked up to the iv, waited for a bit, and then went back for an mri.  that was fun.  not really.  but interesting.  …then we had to wait for the results.

i’m not sure how long we waited, but i slept while we did.  i think jesse just sat there.  ):  the nurse checked on me a time or two, and then the doctor came back.  “you have an ovarian cyst.”  “i don’t know what you’re saying.”  “you have a cyst on your ovary.”  “oh.”  that was basically it.  i think he told me it was a size 2 or 2 centimeters or something like that.  i don’t exactly remember.  he was acting like it wasn’t a big deal, so i was too scared to ask questions.  but i had never had a cyst before, and i never thought much of my ovaries, so i was feeling really nervous inside.  turns out it really is nothing, though.  except very painful.  but i guess it’s a really common thing.  some women have bigger ones, and some women have several, and some women get them more than one time.  i felt like the biggest baby after learning that, but whatever; the pain was real.

anyway, blah blah blah.  they sent me home with some drugs, and that was the end of it.  i was feeling better within the next couple of days.  it was actually a sad thing– getting better.  jesse took such good care of me, and i didn’t want that to end.  i was waited on hand and foot and was totally spoiled, and it was just a beautiful thing.  i tried to fake the pain, but he could see through that.  ):  it was nice while it lasted.

so there it is: my 2013 february.  here are some more pictures regarding this incident:

glad to say i haven’t had any more cysts since then.  actually, that’s not true.  when i went in for my first prenatal visit, the doctor pushed on my stomach, and it pained me pretty good.  he told me i had a cyst, and it freaked me out.  i wanted to cry, but he was kind of brushing it off and told jesse that i was too uptight.  but in my head, it didn’t sound good to be pregnant and have ovary problems; and on top of that, i did NOT want to go through the pain i had last year.  the doctor assured me that it’s very common among women in their first trimester and that it should be gone by the second trimester.  thankfully, he was right.  at least i think he was right.  no one has really checked into it since.  but it never bothered me like the first cyst i had, so, you know, whatever.