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separation anxiety

today was edie’s first day back to school (pre-k3).  i absolutely hate dropping her off.  it’s the worst feeling in the world.  ):

i’m pretty sure edie is just like me.  shy.  anxious.  i don’t know.  it’s hard to know for sure because she’s also three.  well, no.  she is like me.  lol.  because when i look at other three-year-olds– yeah, edie is shy and anxious like me.  ugh.

she goes to school for three hours two days a week, and she always comes out happy, hopping, talking.  she always has a good time and likes to tell me about it.
but every (EVERY!) time i take her to school, i leave her so sad and anxious.  i walk her to her classroom, and she doesn’t want me to leave or she wants to go back home with me.  and it’s not that she is grumpy or just doesn’t want to be there.  she is nervous.  and i hate it.  today her hands were shaking, and i could feel her heart thumping in her chest.  ):

and i don’t know how to help her.  that might be the worst part.

there are mornings that, as i’m getting her out of the car, i just want to buckle her right back up and take her back home.  i feel like it cannot be good to force her to go to school when she feels this way.  it doesn’t seem right.  i know it’s good for her to be around other people, but that’s what play dates are for.  (right?)  she does great hanging out with other kids when i’m around, but when i take her to school, she doesn’t want me to leave.
…and i know she needs to develop a sense of self away from home and learn to be separated from her parents — …or so they say.  lol.  that’s how i feel.  DOES she need that?  at three?  why do i have a hard time with this?

i see parents in the hallway walking away from their crying children, and it seems like it’s not a big deal to them.  today i heard a parent laugh and tell one of the teachers, “just let her cry” as she said goodbye and left the classroom.  ):  i don’t want to judge.  i don’t think i’m judging.  i just honestly wonder why i can’t do that.  it’s not funny to me.  there have been several mornings that i go back out to my car and cry myself.  i don’t like leaving edie feeling the way she does.  it just doesn’t seem healthy.

i don’t know.  i don’t have answers.  i’m just sensitive to the way my kids feel.  and i know what it feels like to be anxious, and i remember what it felt like to be dropped off places and left “alone.”

it’s hard.  i just want to do what’s best for edie.  push through those feelings while dropping her off (because she always has a good time once i’m gone) or listen to her and let her stay home and play with friends while i’m around?

i’m open to thoughts if anyone has any.  (:

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